Email From Gary Aden to John Aden and Ellen Graham
Email Dated 9/15/2000

        Dear John and Ellen,

        Ellen, I shall be writing this regret as if it is only to John.
I leave it to him to pass on any subtleties or historical allusions.
Kindly allow me to preface my remarks by expressing my disappointment
that we have not met as yet. I have heard so many complemenary
descriptions of the bride-to-be that it would be hard to contain my
curiosity even if I were not so fond of him. Later in this missive, I
suggest a remedy. Pending that, let me wish the bride a happy wedding
day and connubial bliss!

     John, let me congratulate on this milestone in your life. I think
you know that I'm not one to blow off a party which I predict will blast
off some several days in advance and continue. It sounds like Jarrod is
snorting like Ferdinand the Bull to get things going and it's not
something one of Carl Aden's sons would want to miss, but Jeanne
obligated us to look out for Megan E while Val and Kent took a
well-deserved holiday(he has been doing extensive legal work in Malaysia
this year). Megan still takes preventive medication for a serious
episode of seizures she had a couple of years ago. In short, even though
Jeanne is going to be primarily involved with day to day care, I would
feel terrible if something happened and I wasn't readily available to be
there, support Jeanne and do what I could. 

        Now let me take this opportunity to complain that even if it
weren't for the situation above, being at your wedding would be a
hardship. You see, your medicare-aged uncle is breaking down. I have a
cervical disc which is causing me a lot of pain. I am taking physical
therapy. After extensive questioning, the doctors have concluded that
age alone is not the cause, but rather chronic and continued physical
abuse by my siblings, in particular, in this instance, my brother and
your father, Mike Aden. Mind you, it wasn't just throwing me in the
swiming pool at your grandfather's celebratory roast or other incidents
from childhood too numerous to mention, but subtle enslavement. Let me
explain what I mean. When you were a little tyke, it was necessary to
move some monkey bars from your front yard to the back yard which
involved lifting these unweildy and heavy sob's over a 6 foot high
fence. He held this job in abeyance until his MD brother who always
maintained a sedentary existence as a matter of personal honor came to
town. Under the veil of brotherly love and oligation, he "conned" me
into sharing this burden. My right shoulder and neck were never the same
after that and now my neck is going too. Have you been a victim of a
similar scam? If so, maybe we have a class action here. Oh well, maybe
you can avenge this grievance for me- if as a result of drink or nerves,
you feel faint in front of the minister, simply run to your daddy and
collapse in his arms(ha! ha!).

        I am honoring your union with something I know you can always
use as I understand you and your intended are "travelers". Look for it
in the wedding cards and gifts. If you don't use it for traveling right
away, you can use it for Dr. Koop's favorite method of Planned
Parenthood so that you don't have to carry diapers on any of your
travels. On one of your travels, you might drop in here and we'll figure
out some way to honor your wedding in a more intimate way. At that time,
we'll have the privilege of meeting Ellen. 

        Jeanne will write a separate, more conventional RSVP. All
kidding aside, HAVE A GREAT WEDDING, LIFE & MARRIAGE! 

         Love, Uncle Gary a.k.a. FUN